If you feel like no one cares...

I'm giving myself this advice, too

I had a client not so long ago who experienced several painful rejections. The vision she had for her book seemed to be dwindling as a long (and growing longer) list of gatekeepers told her “no” again and again and again. In a crisis of confidence, she stopped working on her draft.

What’s the point? she thought.

No one’s supporting me.

No one cares about this as much as I do.

Another friend of mine is dealing with this right now as it seems like everyone around her is getting book deals and celebrating book launches, and she’s still waiting.

I have felt this recently as well, as I wait in vain for responses to pitches, as I send books out and get crickets in return, as I get turned down from conferences I would have loved to speak at. I’m incredibly grateful to have my book out in the world, but it turns out that the rejection doesn’t necessarily stop when your book comes out! Books can open doors… but sometimes you still have to go breaking down doors. And that’s not nearly as fun.

It’s easy to feel discouraged when others don’t see what you see. When they don’t seem to have the same enthusiasm or energy around the project that you really, really believe in. When what feels like TOP PRIORITY to you feels like MEH, MAYBE, IF I HAVE TIME to them.

So we end up asking the question my friend voiced this week: “Is this really worth it?”

When I ask that, I know that I’ve lost touch with my “why.”

Because if you really believe that people need the book that you are writing, then you should not let the gatekeepers stop you from getting it in their hands. If you really believe that the story you have to tell would touch the lives of others in the same situation, then you have to keep going.

Maybe you need to do more work. And I hate to say that because I hate doing more work, too. But sometimes we need people to be honest with us and tell us when the idea actually isn’t as good as we think it is, or the writing is actually very dry, or we really do need to spend more time growing our platform.

One of the five tenants of the Hungry Author’s mindset (the full list is in Ch. 1 of our book) is “I’m open to feedback and willing to change my plans.” We hold our ideas loosely so that other people can help us shape them and make them better. We’re willing to do the work because we believe in the vision.

Maybe it’s not the right time. I’m a little bit spiritual about this, because I do believe in a sense of synchronicity, of things working out the way they’re supposed to at the right time. Life sometimes feels like a giant puzzle, where the right pieces have to fall into place at the right time in exactly the right way. I’ve gotten better at listening to my body and my heart (seriously, very woo about this) and noticing when something just isn’t settling right. I’m learning how to set something down for a time and say, “I’ll come back to this.”

Maybe your “yes” is right around the corner. My friend Ally wrote about this in her wonderful book Write Your Story - about how often in the hero’s journey, the hero experiences her biggest “no” right before the final “yes.” Maybe you just need to press on. Maybe you haven’t actually given it your best effort yet.

Any of that might be true… but there’s another thing, too.

Maybe you need to say “yes” to yourself. No one can do it for you. Even as a collaborator and an editor who worked with ghostwriters, I saw multiple times that when an author stopped participating in the work of the book - when they sat back and tried to let someone else take charge - the work always suffered.

When you are the author of a book, you are the captain of the ship! You are the maker of your destiny. You are the leader of the team. You are the parent. You are the steward. You are the shepherd. Pick your favorite analogy, but the truth remains regardless: For better or worse, you are always, unequivocally, responsible for your book.

So what are you going to do?

How do you need to say yes to yourself?

What do you need right now, and how can you meet that need - rather than waiting for someone else to care as much as you do?

Here’s what this looks like for me…

I’m pressing on. The time is now; my book is out and this is the time to get it into the world. Although I’m working hard, I know that I haven’t worked hard enough yet. I haven’t exhausted my options. I know this is just the beginning.

If you need a word of encouragement today, then I’ve got something for you in the coming weeks:

Hungry Authors & Friends!

Liz and I are partnering with some of our favorite writing friends for a series of FREE webinars, starting this Thursday!

Here’s the schedule:

• August 22 - 3pm ET: Writing Your First Draft with Robin Finn

• August 29 - 3pm ET: Publishing Your Book with Lucinda Halpern

• September 5 - 3pm ET: Mapping Your Book with Allison Fallon

• September 9 - 2pm ET: Refining Your Book Idea with Honoree Corder

These incredible women are some of the most determined and knowledgeable in the industry. They work with writers every day and they’ve seen it all. Each week for the next four weeks, we’re partnering with them to share our best ideas around a theme from Hungry Authors.

And again, this is FREE - so if you’re struggling with one of these phases in your book, we’d hate for you to miss it! (Don’t worry, they’ll be recorded, too!)

Hope to see you there!

Ariel